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| Cashmere Gold {WIP} | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 6 2009, 12:43:55 PM (228 Views) | |
| Cashmere | Jul 6 2009, 12:43:55 PM Post #1 |
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Member Name: Cashmere ¤ General Info ¤ Spoiler: click to toggle ¤ Appearance Info ¤ Spoiler: click to toggle ¤ Other Info ¤ Spoiler: click to toggle ¤ Battle Info ¤ Spoiler: click to toggle ¤ Biography ¤ Spoiler: click to toggle ¤ Roleplay Sample ¤ Spoiler: click to toggle ¤ Pokémon ¤ Spoiler: click to toggle
Edited by Cashmere, Jul 6 2009, 02:02:21 PM.
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| Pig_catapult | Jul 6 2009, 01:08:20 PM Post #2 |
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Delicious cake!
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Put your hands in the air so I can see them. *gets out the Grammar Nazi cuffs* You're under arrest for thesaurus Quality > Quantity. You might be graded by your wordcount, but you're going to get graded down for this kind of fluff. Edited by Pig_catapult, Jul 6 2009, 01:16:04 PM.
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![]() The time for loyalty to man has passed. There is only place now for loyalty to truth.![]()
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| Cashmere | Jul 6 2009, 01:21:00 PM Post #3 |
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Fluff? This is the way I naturally write. I haven't even glanced at a book all the time I've been crafting it. Being a pink kitten on RPs for...the best part of 3/4 years tends to make you fairly accustomed to the English language, sweetheart. :3 |
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| Pig_catapult | Jul 6 2009, 02:14:30 PM Post #4 |
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Delicious cake!
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I'm quite accustomed to the English language, thanks. Been RPing for 6 years and reading almost a decade longer than that. It's also what I'm going to major in. <3 I wasn't trying to insinuate that you had a literal thesaurus in front of you -- I know I've got one in my head that I use quite often -- just that your prose is a little on the purple side. redundancy is bad, yes, but the avoidance of it is no excuse to use words like "epidermis" to avoid saying "skin", especially outside of a medical context. By "fluff", I meant "stuff that takes up space but doesn't actually add anything to the work." Fluff is stuff you can skip over without losing any of the text's meaning. For example, when describing your character's eye color, you're basically saying "She has cobalt-blue eyes," but in about 125 more words. I'm not trying to say here that description is unimportant, but this is a definite case of what I like to call "Heart of Darkness Syndrome". I named it after Joseph Conrad's eponymous novella, because the entirety of the story could be told in under ten pages, but he dragged it out to... I believe it was somewhere around 87 pages. You can, literally, skip about 31 pages in the middle of the book, continue reading, and not miss anything of importance to the plot. The problem with Heart of Darkness (aside from it being 87 pages of racist drivel) is that, if you pardon my wordplay, you can't see the jungle for the trees. Conrad spends so much time going on about what is, essentially, nothing, that the vestigial plot generally gets only half a sentence at the end of a long paragraph about inscrutable jungle savages or something like that. Now, I'm not saying that you're as bad as Conrad (that would be VERY difficult to do), but the point I'm trying to make is that, instead of going on about how her eyes are the same color as a pigment made from a metal that's poisonous in non-minute amounts, and how that somehow gives artisty-types the heebie-jeebies, etc., just say that her eyes are cobalt and be done with that. More important things to talk about are, for example, what kind of expression she usually has in her eyes. Are they smiling eyes? Are they sneaky eyes? Sad? Serious? Melancholy? Blank? Do they glitter with mischief? Do they burn with righteous anger? And, um, I'm really bad at writing conclusions to my arguments. >_> |
![]() The time for loyalty to man has passed. There is only place now for loyalty to truth.![]()
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| Cashmere | Jul 6 2009, 02:39:20 PM Post #5 |
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I must say, you did own me with the length of RPing, but I wasn’t using it as a WINGE WINGE WINGE I’VE BEEN RPING LONGER THAN YOU WINGE WINGE WINGE, I was using it as an indicator that I’m not some random n00b that has wandered off the metaphoric streets of the internet, found a thesaurus and gone apeshit. I used it to portray that I have been in the business for a substantial amount of time, and that I KNOW very well what I’m doing. I’m not going to disregard that you do have a point, because that would not only be immature, but would not encourage my argument in anyway. However, I’m not going to stand idly by and watch my defences be shattered. I write the way I do because, frankly, it’s rather pretty and functions better than: Eyes: They’re blue. They shine sometimes. Apparently you can get lost in them. Because that’s pretty...well, totally not what RPing is about. RPing is about flaunting and sharing your own way of writing with the fellow community. We all learn and grow by reading what each other has written, and frankly, if every reg has to be like that, then uniqueness may as well die in a spectacular fire. Words such as ‘epidermis’ for instance, are much more interesting than ‘skin’ which can be repeated so many times in a little passage that the word fails to make sense by the end of it. Like I said, I can understand your point to the letter T, but that does not mean that I have to shorten or destroy a piece of my prose, because it shows my individuality and that I actually have a decent grasp of our beloved language. I had added all the required information into each section, possibly in a very metaphoric way, but that is to tantalise the very poetic minds here, AS WELL as including some background information about her parents and how they react to her, which gives it a very real feel in my opinion. Of course, we are all entitled to our own opinions, so if you don’t like my style of writing then I’m happy with that. BUT there is nothing in the template or the rules that state that I am writing incorrectly. If I get points deducted, then that’s fair enough, so I’d rather it was for something better than just YOU WRITE TOO MUCH. |
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| Pig_catapult | Jul 6 2009, 04:14:01 PM Post #6 |
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Delicious cake!
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I thought you were wanting to compare resumés. If you're going to bring something like "length of time RPing" up in a debate, don't turn around and act like your opponent is a whiner for sharing theirs, in turn. I might be misinterpreting the meaning of your statement here, but, as is, it sounds kinda... entitled. Funny, because it seems like you're proceeding to do just that. I... humbly disagree.
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