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Blane Reynolds [WIP]
Topic Started: May 31 2009, 12:29:39 AM (199 Views)
Blane

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Pig_catapult
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Delicious cake!
I know it's a WIP right now, but you need to check your spelling and grammar some, and flesh out your personality so that it doesn't seem to contradict you talents/flaws or your description of his eyes. Also, it's a pretty generic personality.

You're allowed to use pronouns, by the way. We're not going to think that you're talking about someone else's hair or eye color, and "Blane's ___ is ___" gets repetitive after a while.

Also, "body wise", or even "body-wise" or "bodywise" , is not only awkward and probably a non-word, but completely unnecessary in the context of the "Physique" field. We're not going to assume that you meant that his mind has a "pretty athletic build", honest. (In addition, even if "body-wise" was necessary, you'd need to put a comma after it in that sentence.)

6'1" is tall. The average adult American male is 5'9", which is, due to the absurd nature of Imperial units of distance measurement, a full 4 inches shorter than 6"1'. I might be a little biased on this issue, since I'm 5"4.25", and LOTS of people are fricking tall from my perspective, despite my supposedly being a quarter-inch taller than the national average for women. Also, due to the intrinsic flaws of the BMI system, athletic people tend to be "overweight" by its scale due to their above-average muscle:fat ratio (muscle is heavier than fat). I'd expect a "pretty athletic" person of that height to be closer to 190 pounds, personally.

More generally:
oh != on
usually != usual
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Munchkinator
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Don't waste my time.
Spoilers: unfinished regs go in the Incomplete Registrations subforum, not the Registration subforum.
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